5 posts tagged “church”

I didn't really grow up in a Christian household.  We did attend church as a family for a while, however.  My parents are really hippies.  It's one of the things that I love about them.  They taught me to make my own decisions in my life, in my career, in my relationships, and my religion. 

I've mostly been a member of Disciples of Christ churches.  I lived in a Methodist dorm, and I attended Baptist services.  I've found that I'm most comfortable with DOC because I grew up in that tradition.  However, I love Baptist preaching. 

I've probably mentioned the new church I've been attending since I got back to Kentucky.  I love the worship services, but I'm becoming progressively disillusioned.  While people are really friendly and welcoming, they don't really make an effort to get to know you.  I think that's kind of wrong.  You're not going to keep people if you do that.  It's that fake kind of surface welcomed feeling that I really don't like.  Not a genuine, we're glad to see you, we want to know about your life welcome. 

I went to an intro to the church session on Sunday.  I thought they were non-denominational, but it turns out that they describe themselves as being "non-traditional Baptist."  In Kentucky, that means Southern Baptist.  It means no women in leadership positions when there's a mixed-gender group.  While I understand and in a way support that, it chafes me to the point of bleeding.  I was raised by hippies who emphasized my ability to do anything as a child, as an adult, as a woman. 

I did not ask the question at the informational session, but the realization clicked in while they were talking about the organization of the church.  I am going to email the pastor privately to find out, however.  If that's the case, I will probably continue attending services, but I will never join the church. 

I'm finding more and more lately that there are major polarizing events/issues in my life where I am torn between family/friends and my religious beliefs, and I feel like I have to choose between the two.  I don't like it.

I like the new church I've found.  I like the people--they're very friendly.  I like the music--it's a blend of contemporary and traditional.  I like the preaching.  It's Biblically-based.  I planned to go to church this morning.  But I got up and I can't stand the thought of all those people.  I don't feel perky or happy this morning, and it seems like that's what people expect from you at church.  I can't deal.  I hate it when I wake up feeling that way.  Actually, I started feeling that way last night.  I should have known it would be a struggle this morning when I woke up.  I don't like to anticipate a struggle like that though.  I want to think that it'll be better when I wake up in the morning, that I won't have to struggle.  It sucks.  

I served communion at church for the first time this morning.  I was nervous, worried about making sure that I was doing the right thing.  I got lucky--the elder who served with me whispered at me what to do.  : )  I was a deacon when I was in high school, but this church does communion differently. 

Having only experienced it as a congregant, it was really eye-opening to be on the other side.  I felt very joyful.  Some people said thank you after they received their communion.  That was interesting.  It was an honor.  I served communion to the pastor as well.  Now, I can't wait until the next time that I serve communion.  It was seriously a blessing.  It really wasn't anything like that when I was growing up.  We passed the cups and the little squares down the row.  I like this way better.  It's much more personal.  It makes me feel very honored that I was asked to serve as a deacon. 

I was supposed to read scripture at church this morning.  Supposed to being the operative phrase.  I got up, ate my breakfast, showered and got dressed.  Headed off to church thinking I had plenty of time to read over the reading before church started.  Not quite as soon as I meant to be there, but not late either.  Got into the parking lot and started walking toward the sanctuary.  The parking lot was awfully full, and there wasn't anyone in the hallway. 

Then it hit me.  The time changed last night.  I was an hour late.  The reading was already over.  There were only about 10 minutes left in the service.  I turned around and went back home instead.  :Facepalm:

I am so embarrassed.  I don't even have the words for it.  I don't let people down.  I do every once in a while, of course, but not people I know very well.  Maybe that's worse.  But I don't want to let people down that I care for.  I know in my head that it's probably not that big of a deal, just a nuisance for them.  At the same time, I'm kind of afraid to show my face at church next week.  Oy vey.

The music director at my church quit last October or November.  She was young, had lots of energy, and was a great choir director.  She went from my church's tiny 10-person choir to a church with a 90-voice choir.  She's definitely ambitious.  I really liked her, and I'm sorry that she's gone.  They hired a new choir director in December.  I was only at church one Sunday with her singing.  She's good.  She has a background in movie music.  She seems nice.  I haven't spoken to her yet.

The problem is that she has a Jewish background.  In and of itself, that's not a problem for me.  However, she refuses to take communion.  It's really not my business, but in my mind that means she doesn't believe the things the church believes.  This really bothers me.  For me, music is about emotion.  I'm not going to sing something I don't believe in.  I won't sing/chant Shinto music.  I don't do Tibetan chants.  How can someone who is not a Christian sing Christian songs?  Yet I know that there are hundreds of people who attend church on Sunday mornings and while they might say they believe, they don't in their hearts.  The pianist is the same.  That doesn't bother me, though, because he doesn't sing the lyrics most of the time.  He has joined the choir every once in a while, though.

All in all, I feel very uncomfortable with a church choir director who doesn't believe what she sings.  I can't fathom why someone would take a job doing that.  It's out of my comprehension.  I am planning not to join the choir this year for that reason.  Anybody have any comments?  Am I totally crazy?  Help!