5 posts tagged “friendship”
I had a political conversation with my friend Stuart yesterday. When the two of us had first met, it seemed like we had quite a bit in common. The more I hang out with him, the more I realize that it's really not the case. We differ in big areas like religion and politics. He's very conservative, and while I wouldn't call myself liberal, I'm definitely not as conservative as he is.
I really don't like discussing politics. I don't feel like I know enough about them, and I don't like to debate unless I am thoroughly educated on a subject. The main thing we discussed was economic policy. Economics is a hobby of his. It amuses me, actually. We went to the store to pick up snacks before a movie once, and he was comparing prices between different size boxes to see which was the better deal. It ended up being a moot point because he didn't have any way to get it into the theater surreptitiously.
I really don't know enough about economics. I took a class in college, but I skipped it entirely too much and probably fell asleep when I was there. I'm actually kind of surprised now that I managed to get a C in the class. Generally, I don't pay a lot of attention to politics or economics unless they end up causing an immediate problem in my life.
So, at the end of the conversation, I ended up feeling woefully uneducated. I also felt rather illogical. I probably am, having had this pointed out to me multiple times before by one of my friends in California. I felt cynical as well. Most of all, though, I felt like he was mightily displeased with me. I know it shouldn't bother me that much, but it does. I can't change my beliefs/values/opinions just because he doesn't agree with them. I'm not displeased with him because he believes something different. It kind of killed the conversation all around.
I'm left wondering what you do when it turns out that you don't really have enough in common with someone to sustain a friendship any more. Or what to do when it becomes apparent that you really have such opposite views on things.
My best friend came by to see my new apartment this morning, but also because we had plans to hang out. She had posted it on her Facebook a few weeks ago when I was traveling, but she told me she was pregnant last Saturday when I saw her. She came in this morning and told me that she'd had a miscarriage. Not a literal one, but they couldn't find the fetus's heartbeat. Just as bad. She will either have a spontaneous abortion or have to have a surgical removal.
I wasn't ready for my best friend to be pregnant, but I wasn't ready to have my best friend have a miscarriage either. It's more than a little weird to know people who have these kinds of issues. I feel so disconnected from it when I should feel it so strongly. I know that probably all she needs is someone to listen, to be there if she needs it. My friend is married, and her husband is her best friend now. She's not going through it alone. That's the most important thing.
We went to see one of her brothers as well. He's a friend of mine, and he was so torn up about the miscarriage. He got kind of emotional about it while we were talking. It made me get teary. Such a sweetheart. What a great brother. He's a big marshmallow, but he doesn't want people to know.
I'm still processing.
I am horrible at staying in touch with the people in my life. I am so content with my own company that I don't call my friends. I had a friend call me the other night, and in the course of the conversation, I realized that I call people less than a guy friend of ours. No one reading this knows him, of course, but the comparison is not good. For example, I had lunch with him in February. I didn't hear from him again until the first weekend in May. About three months. I call people less often than that.
I am sure that part of it is because I'm moving away soon and my heart/mind/soul are already gone. However, I do want to maintain those friendships after I leave. My friend was saying the other night that he thinks it will be hard to get me to come back to visit. I don't disagree with him at all. I'm very happy that a couple of my friends have already said that they want to come visit me in Kentucky. One wants me to take her down to Dollywood! What fun.
I have awesome friends that keep hanging out with me and inviting me to do things even though I don't call them!
I have too much stuff. I actually folded and put away my clothes this week after washing them. Afterwards, I got inspired and cleaned up a bunch of other stuff. I also washed my dishes and took out the trash tonight. It's nice to feel like I got something accomplished. Unfortunately, there's still so much stuff! I don't want it, but I can't bear to part with it! It's ridiculous. Some of it is writing stuff. I'm trying to consolidate that into one place, maybe type it into Google docs. I cleaned my toilet, too! It feels so nice to get things done.
I managed to jam my toenail seriously and make it bleed while I was doing my laundry. It still hurts.
I got a new hat this weekend, a newsboy-style hat. I look cute. : ) Yeah, I know, that's a lil' arrogant. But it's ok to know when you look good. LOL. I wore it to work today and got a lot of compliments. That's always nice.
My best friend from college flew to Mexico yesterday to pick up her husband. He's been there for nearly a year, waiting for his INS papers to go through. I'm so happy for them that he's coming back. At the same time, I'm feeling kind of selfish about it. I feel like I won't get to spend as much time with her now that he's back. I don't know him all that well at this point. I think I've only met him a couple of times. It's not that I don't like him--I just don't know him. It's hard having married friends.
OK, off to bed.
One of the lead teachers at my school asked me today if the rumor he'd heard about me leaving was true. Of course, it is. I made the final decision last weekend. I don't really want to leave the school. I wish I could pick it up, take everyone with me and land it back in Kentucky with me. Obviously, that's not possible. And I highly doubt that my parents and various other family members are going to move out here.
It was difficult to talk to him about it. I thought that was probably what he was going to ask. I love my job, and it has nothing to do with anyone at the school. It has to do totally with a longing for home. It brought on the sadness, though.
I muddle through. I hate saying goodbye. I've done it before, but this time, I'm the one leaving. It's an overwhelming flood of people to say goodbye to. My coworkers, students, church family, writing partner, my friends from my credentialing program. I think that if I let it, it could totally overwhelm me with sadness. I don't win either way--staying or moving. I leave friends here, I stay away from friends there. What was I thinking when I moved out here????? I guess I never realized how much I would end up tearing myself apart. I feel rather fatalistic about it, but I know that out of sight generally means out of mind. I've experienced it firsthand. It's not so much the case with very close friends, but with people you care for but aren't necessarily close to, it happens in the blink of an eye. Looking from this side, it's painful, but I know that from the other side, time heals.
