6 posts tagged “moving”
I've been having some seriously weird dreams lately. I can't give any examples, but trust me, they've been crazy. I had another one this morning. I dreamed about packing! I dreamed that I was back in California and that we were packing up my apartment all over again. This time, there were 6 people who were going to be riding in the car for the 2000 mile drive. I kept finding a bunch of extra things that I wanted to get rid of on Freecycle! An extra TV, and extra printer. I find it very funny, actually. But what a nightmare! I am not looking forward to packing up again. It would be so nice if I was in the financial place to buy a house. Just a little bungalow. I don't need that much space!
I don't know which is worse, the packing or the unpacking. Neither are fun. We picked up my boxes today. A couple of things got broken in the move, but nothing vital or anything I'm upset about, yet. I still have plenty of boxes to unpack to find out if there's anything else that got broken.
It went faster this time around with a couple of extra people to help. One of my brothers got overheated and threw up. It's not really all that out-of-the-ordinary for him, actually. He used to do it when he was a kid. He said that he thought he was going to pass out as well. He made it, though. It was not all that hot today, but it was pretty humid.
My brother's cat is crazy! It's kind of fun, actually. He's entertained by a plastic bag for long periods of time. He was playing with a candle from one of my boxes for a while. He used to jump on your shoulder, but he doesn't any more. He's too hyper!
Okay, I'd better go do some grocery shopping so that I have something to eat for dinner.
We're in New Mexico. All that is on my mind today is how much I want to be back in California. I'm trying to think forward, toward the future. It's hard, though. I miss my boozer boys, my drinking buddies in my apartment building. I miss my coworkers, my students, my church, my friends that I went through my credentialing program with.
The day after I left was really hard. We've been busy enough since that I've been okay, but today has been hard again. It's unpredictable. I'm sure that it will fade, but it totally sucks right now.
More on our super-duper crazy long road trip later.
5 more days. 5 more days. That's all I have. With students, that is. I'm starting to count my lasts. It's not really a fun thing to do. Mostly, I'm not terribly sad. There are a few things that hit me sideways and make me feel kind of weepy, though. Last Sunday at church. Having one of my coworkers tell the students today that she wasn't going to be returning next year. It hit home that I wasn't going to be seeing her next year either. She's going to be in the Philippines, and I totally want to send her care packages.
Thinking about not getting to hang with my neighbors any more made me sad. Sometimes the drive home makes me feel a little maudlin. The mountains east of home are beautiful, and it's sad to think that I'll never drive that way home again.
I've known since I decided to move back that my heart was going to be torn in pieces. It's just not very real until you come down to it.
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!
So true. I come home and turn the computer on, and nothing gets done all evening long. I do get things done if I do them before I get home or if I do them as soon as I get home. I've got a list of things that I've been working on lately, and I've been really productive. I had something on my list yesterday that I really didn't want to do. I basically forced myself to do it, though. I'm at the point that my To-Do list is so long that I can't really afford not to do something when I have it planned/scheduled. I've mostly got it planned out in my head, though. My big worry at this point is money. I am planning on having my things shipped. I got a quote a few months ago before the gas prices shot through the roof. Now, my quote is $1000 more than it was at that point! A 2000 mile move is seriously an expensive thing. I'm going to have next to no money left when I get back to Kentucky! I'd better add getting serious about job searching to the list!
One of the lead teachers at my school asked me today if the rumor he'd heard about me leaving was true. Of course, it is. I made the final decision last weekend. I don't really want to leave the school. I wish I could pick it up, take everyone with me and land it back in Kentucky with me. Obviously, that's not possible. And I highly doubt that my parents and various other family members are going to move out here.
It was difficult to talk to him about it. I thought that was probably what he was going to ask. I love my job, and it has nothing to do with anyone at the school. It has to do totally with a longing for home. It brought on the sadness, though.
I muddle through. I hate saying goodbye. I've done it before, but this time, I'm the one leaving. It's an overwhelming flood of people to say goodbye to. My coworkers, students, church family, writing partner, my friends from my credentialing program. I think that if I let it, it could totally overwhelm me with sadness. I don't win either way--staying or moving. I leave friends here, I stay away from friends there. What was I thinking when I moved out here????? I guess I never realized how much I would end up tearing myself apart. I feel rather fatalistic about it, but I know that out of sight generally means out of mind. I've experienced it firsthand. It's not so much the case with very close friends, but with people you care for but aren't necessarily close to, it happens in the blink of an eye. Looking from this side, it's painful, but I know that from the other side, time heals.
