3 posts tagged “relationships”

It was a memorial for my aunt who passed away a year ago.  My cousins came, my aunt, an uncle, family friends.  I know we had more than 20 people at the house, but I'm too lazy to count to see how many it was.  One of my cousins brought four of her friends along.  I think they thought we were crazy!  LOL.  She didn't warn them ahead of time.  They probably wouldn't have come if she had!  LOL.  Another one of my cousins brought his girlfriend.  I thought she was awesome.  They've been together for almost a year.  She fit in so well!  I was really glad to see him happy.  I think that they seem like a perfect match.  I hope it works out for them. 

My mom didn't tell my cousins that she made the photo albums, so it was a surprise to them.  I think that more than one of my cousins cried. 

It was so wonderful to be home, to be surrounded by family, by people who love me.  People who have the same sense of humor that I do, people who get me, who understand me, people who make me laugh.  It's nice to sit in the corner and let the conversation wash around you sometimes, too. 

Of course, it's also nice when everyone goes home and the house is quiet again!  My mom, my dad, and I all had to take a nap this afternoon to recover.  I usually don't take naps, but I needed it this time around.  I really am getting old...

I have this vision of how the rest of my life is going to go, and it's not pretty.  The world is made for couples.  In LA, that wasn't so much the case.  It was hard to meet people the same age, so there were a lot more people who were single like me. 

In Kentucky, that's not so much the case.  It's all marrieds.  Or attacheds or engageds or somethings.  No dangly people who have no pair to see them through the rough times.  No third wheels.  I didn't mind so much being a third wheel back there when I had some single friends as well.  Now I've left all my single friends behind and it's me with a bunch of couples.

It's so depressing.  The thought that for the rest of my life, I'll have no one to go to movies with, no one to go out to eat with, etc.  No one to cook for.  No one to help with the chores.  No one.  Everyone else will move on, have kids.  And then there's me.  If I lived in a place where there were other people with the same kinds of inclinations, it wouldn't bother me so much.  When you have it in your face ALL the time, it gets more than a little wearing.  And I've just been here for 3 weeks. 

Yeah, so I'm having a bad day.

No more men for me.  Cloister, you say?  I'd seriously thought about it at one time.  It's looking really good right about now.  All men from now on are strictly friends.  I'm sure that's easier said than done.  I don't want to waste my emotional energy on some guy who is just going to end up all arrogant thinking that I'm interested in anything more than friendship.  If there's no possibility, I'm mature enough to move on. 

Besides, I like who I am and I think I'm just too quirky to find someone who won't try to change me.  Or who I would be inclined to change for.  I would want someone who loves me for who I am.  I can't imagine someone putting up with all my secret single behaviors, so to speak.  Mom and dad will just have to hope for grandkids from one of my brothers, bcuz they sure aren't getting any from me.